Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
