That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
