White coat. Heels.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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