i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
