You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
