You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
