Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize