that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
