Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
