It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
