final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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