It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize