he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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