I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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