Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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