It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
