I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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