allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize