In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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