once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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