he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
