Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
