Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
