my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You know, be my cock's hype man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
