I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
