dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
