i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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