I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
