allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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