Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i barfeds in our rink
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
