I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
