yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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