ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
