The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
