no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
