Is it normal to miss your booty call?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
