There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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