I'm so fucking centered right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
