Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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