Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Blood and glitter go together right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
