i was born a porn star she said
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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