It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
