It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
