I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize