I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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