Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
