Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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