Farmville is her only friend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
