but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
