My first STD was from a foam party
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
