I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
