Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
