Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's shark week go big or go home
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
