I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
