i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
