The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
