I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
