I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
