I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
