I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You made out with two different species that night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
