Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
