I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
