the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
