Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize