i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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