My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
