I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
