standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
