I wannas sexs uuuuu
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
